4 ways to spoil your kids (without turning them into brats)

by Heidi Scrimgeour

No-one wants to raise a spoiled brat, but sometimes we’re all so set on NOT spoiling our kids that I think we can overlook the fact that an occasional treat - whether it’s an ice-cream before dinner or staying up past bedtime once in a while just for fun - can do wonders for a child’s sense of self-worth. Not that kids should take their value from sugary treats and late nights alone, of course, but the right kind of spoiling can help create memories that last a lifetime, too. So here are four ideas for spoiling your kids… because they’re worth it!

Have a ‘just because’ day Sometimes I feel as though I spend the majority of my time saying ‘No’ and ‘Not right now’ or ‘Maybe later’. Our lives are busy and full, so I’m not beating myself up about the fact that there’s not much room left for manoeuvre in our hectic daily schedules, but I’m planning to offset that soon by pulling out all the stops and declaring it ‘just because day’. For that one day I’ll try my best to say ‘Yes’ to every request my kids put to me - and of course they’ll suss pretty quickly that ‘Just because day’ is their one chance to cash in all their chips and ask for everything they’ve ever wanted, so to keep things manageable I’m also going to set a ground rule: you can only ask for something that benefits someone other than yourself. Cunning, eh? And to make sure it’s not all about demands and requests, the purpose of ‘Just be-cause day’ will be to spoil the kids in lots of little ways that aren’t possible in the perpetual chaos of our daily lives. We’ll grab croissants and hot chocolates for breakfast instead of healthy cereals, and spend the day doing something that makes the kids feel loved. Invariably that means anything that involves giving them our undivided attention. No surreptitious checking of work email on the phone whilst claiming to be watching them on the swings, and no distractions of any kind, digital or otherwise. Just the kids, doing something cheap and cheerful like bouncing on the trampoline in the garden or riding their bikes in the woods, and their dad and I watching every single moment.

Write them a love letter It doesn’t have to be a carefully-crafted sonnet; just something heartfelt. You only have to look at how excited children get when the Tooth Fairy has her act sufficiently together to leave a note as well as the kerching, to realise that letters make kids light up. There’s something very special about putting into words the sort of sentiment that perhaps doesn’t always get expressed in the course of every day. Writing a letter to your kids is also a lovely way of focusing your thoughts on the things you love about them, instead of, as I am guilty of sometimes over-dwelling on, the things you’re constantly trying to get them to stop doing! Pour a glass of something that helps the creative juices flow and put pen to paper on a little message that reminds your kids just how much you love them. And then - the fun bit - work out where to leave it so that the surprise of finding it will be as much of a delight as reading what’s inside.

Break all the rules Well ok, maybe just a few of them. Rules are the cornerstone of family life, or at least they are in our house. I run a pretty tight ship around here; we do homework as soon as we get in from school, we reserve sweet snacks as a strictly after-dinner thing, and we always, always eat at the kitchen table, never in front of the telly. (Sorry kids.) But don’t knock it; with an adventurous toddler and two rambunctious boys on my hands I have my work cut out for me when it comes to keeping some semblance of order, and rules are what help to keep it all ticking over. But every now and then I like to throw out the rule book. We might pop out for ice cream before dinner, let the kids stay up past bedtime to watch the stars come out, or camp in the lounge with sleeping bags. What works really well is doing this when the kids least expect it; there’s nothing quite so fun as watching their wide-eyed wonder when they realise they’re in for a treat.

Get the baby photos out This might sound a bit bonkers, but I am convinced that looking through our family photo albums at the baby pictures makes my kids feel special. I can never quite put my finger on why it gives them the warm fuzzies, but it very clearly does. I’m no child psychologist, but I guess it’s got something to do with the strength of affection conveyed in those photos, and all the stories that come pouring out when we talk about the day they were born, or the funny things they did as toddlers. My lads just love hearing about how I wished for two little boys (just like them), and they never tire of seeing pictures of my bump before they were born, or of us celebrating with family and friends in those first few hours after their arrival. I’m sure the littlest will just love getting in on the action in years to come too, with the added bonus that our boys will be able to chime in with their own ‘I remember…’ anecdotes about the day she was born. There’s no other way to say it; there’s just something really special about rehashing the details of the day a child was born, in such a way that that child starts to take in even just a little measure of how happy he made other people - just by gracing the planet with his presence. I’ve got friends - of the uber-organised sort - who’ve gone to great lengths to com-pile memory boxes and all sorts of bits of baby paraphernalia for their kids, and while I admire the efforts they’ve gone to to pass on to their kids a sense of how special they are, I also feel faintly inadequate. I don’t do that stuff; I wish I did, but I’m just not that together. I count it a good day if I manage to get everyone to school on time, get some work done, do a load of laundry AND remember to buy groceries for dinner. But, that said, a plain old fashioned photograph album works just as well for me. Ultimately, the secret to spoiling your kids (without turning them into brats) lies in working out what makes them tick, and thus what it takes to make them feel really treasured. It’ll be different for different kids, and no two families will settle on the same strategies for spoiling the kids. But that’s what makes it truly special.